Coming Out

Telling someone about your sexuality is something that 'straight' people never have to go through

For lesbian and gay men, it can be one of the hardest decisions they'll make.

'Coming out' is an odd expression and one which describes a decidedly odd process. When I finally made the decision to tell my family that I was gay, I realised I was going through something a straight person would never have to. When I was going out with boys I certainly never sat down with my dad and said 'Listen Dad, I'm sleeping with men now', but that's basically what I did when it came to my relationship with a woman.

My parents handled it fantastically. Any concern they may have had was more to do with the fact that I was coming out of a long-term relationship (painful in any circumstance), and that I was now positioning myself within a 'minority'. I was no longer part of the norm and because of that they could foresee problems for me that I wouldn't have to face if I was straight.

For example do I tell people at work that I've got a girlfriend? Is it safe for us to hold hands in the street? Can I kiss her in public? Things which you take totally for granted when you're in a straight relationship become matters of much thought when you're gay.

However, the good stuff outweighs the bad. Feeling things make sense – emotionally as well as sexually – for one thing. I still find men attractive but I realise now that there is something about being with a woman that is more than just the most exciting sex I've ever had. The way that I perceive myself has changed as well. I feel sexier and more womanly, but also stronger and more sure of myself.

I believe that once you make the step of actually saying the words, (I hid round the corner of the landing when I told my mum and muttered something very cryptic which, thank God, she understood), you will realise that what comes after is not the apocalypse that you tell yourself it's going to be. The build-up to the conversation is pretty torturous but once you've opened your mouth and you can't take the words back, it gets easier.

Reactions to my revelation ranged from 'Yeah, I always thought you were gay – yawn' to 'Really, how interesting, anyway did you see EastEnders last night?' I was almost a bit upset by the anti-climactic nature of the whole thing. What I was left with, however, was not only an immense sense of relief, but also the realisation that I had gone through possibly the most difficult thing I would ever have to do and had come through it unscathed and with all my important relationships intact.

Useful websites to visit include:
The London Lesbian and Gay Switchboard
National Friend
Gay.Com

Posted 22.01.07

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