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Coming Out on top
The first time I started to like girls was when I was about 13. At first I just saw it as a phase I was going through. All my friends talked about ‘How fit’ that guy is and how they ‘Really wanted a boyfriend’ so I just went along with it, pretending to myself and everyone around me that I thought the same. I was terrified that I would be seen as an outcast, someone who was different and weird because it was not normal and acceptable to be a lesbian.
For about a year I managed to convince my friends and family that I was ‘straight’ until one day, in May 2006, I met my soon-to-be first girlfriend. From the moment I saw her I was spellbound and couldn’t get her out of my head.
We kept our relationship a secret from our group of friends, both of us worrying about what they would say.
Elena admitted to me that she was bisexual but did not want anyone to know.
As I was going out with her I began to warm up to the idea that I liked girls; nevertheless I still continued to deny the fact that I was a lesbian. Our relationship was just like a ‘normal’ relationship; we had our ups and down’s and eventually broke up.
Two years on I have managed to tell my mum about the way I feel towards girls. Even though I knew that she would be fine with it I was still extremely worried about the reaction I would receive from her. Thankfully she was completely supportive and made sure that I knew she had no problem with it.
In August 2007 I started going the BRIT School for Performing Arts & Technology. I had heard that they were very happy to accept lesbians, gay people and bisexuals and wanted to make sure that the students at the school felt secure and safe enough to be able to come out if they wanted to. Although I knew this I kept quiet because I was afraid that the students in school were not as accepting as the teachers. After a while, I told some of my close friends that I was a lesbian. The main reaction I received from them was a positive one which made me feel much better about coming out to the rest of the school, so when I heard about the BRIT school’s LGBT day I was over the moon.
For the last four years the BRIT school has held a LGBT day. I take a Theatre speciality strand and, along with the friends I had come out to, we asked if we could perform a play about the stigma facing lesbians for the school assembly that day.
We created, wrote and performed the play which involved five girls and revolved around two of the main characters. It explored their relationship and their friends’ reaction to discovering that they were lesbians. I played a character who was proud to be a lesbian but was not out to her friends. Another girl played my girlfriend who was worried about people’s reaction to our relationship. During the play the other characters discovered that we were lesbians and were supportive, however my ‘girlfriend’ was so worried about their reaction and the wider reaction from parents and other people that she ended up denying that she was a lesbian.
I particularly wanted to use my experiences to explore the issue of the stigma faced by young lesbians and to encourage the audience to consider other people’s feelings. After this I came out to the school. Everyone was extremely supportive about it and I have never had any negative reactions at school since I came out. I know I’m very lucky to be able to have such a positive coming out at school and it’s all down to the BRIT School’s attitude towards LGBT students, the fact that they encourage students to be individuals and embrace people regardless of their sexuality, religion or race. And of course, the amazing students who attend the school help.
I am now 15 and have come out to nearly all of my friends. There are still some people in my life that I don’t feel I can ever come out to because I know that they would not accept me for who I am, but I am okay with that as they are not very close friends. Some of my family know but I haven’t told others because I’m not sure of their reaction. However, telling the people I have told and having a good response from them has helped me to accept my own sexuality much more and I happily embrace being a lesbian.
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